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| Class 4A1 and I taking one last picture together! It was definitely difficult to say goodbye to my students. |
My final days in Besut are still difficult to describe in words.
My heart was yearning for home after almost a year away from
my family and my blessed country. In my final month, I often found myself lying
awake at night with images of my hometown playing in my head. I tried to remember
how my bedroom, my town and my house looked when I left. I often had images of
driving down Cedar Road in my town, as well as the local the New Lenox Commons
where I always loved to spend time. I wondered if my dog and cat would remember
me, or if the team at my local Starbucks would be the same. I wondered if I
would have tough ‘reverse culture shock,’ after a year living somewhere so
different. I would toss and turn all night with excitement, as well as a little
anxiety in anticipation of home. In fact, on one occasion I caught myself
signing off an email to my parents using, “Love you and see you soon!” It
literally made my heart beat faster.
While excitement brewed, there was an ounce of sadness. At
school, I started looking around and wondering what would become of some of my
students- students that I had invested so much time and energy into. Students
who improved both in terms of spoken English, as well as overall enthusiasm
towards education. I thought of Syatirah who worked hard everyday and dreamed
of studying in America someday. I thought of Mustaqin who would run away and
hide when I first started teaching but who now spoke to me everyday. I thought
of Amanina who attended the girls’ leadership camp and who was dealing with the
sadness of her recently deceased father, who passed away while I was her
teacher. I thought of Sukri who was from a very poor family and who was in the
lowest level class for his age group, but who literally learned to speak
English with me. I thought of the energy and enthusiasm I was eventually able
to extract from each of my classes, and the confidence my students built
towards me. Although I was their teacher, the students were actually some of
the best teachers I ever had.
During my final days, I had something of a heartache filled
with a yearning of home but a longing to somehow stay in my students’ lives.
Moreover, in the midst of sincere loneliness at times, Christina and I managed
to create such a happy house that hosted root beer float nights for students, as
well as a kitchen perfect for introducing the neighbor kids to microwave
popcorn. Our yard had been a soccer field, as well as learning ground for how
to ride a scooter. That home in Kampung Amir, Besut did not only house
Christina and I, but it will forever house some of our deepest thoughts and
emotions.
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